The Lookout Spot

Sunny Day | Luca Pullizzi | photography

The Lookout Spot by Claire Sanders

The cold December wind is harsh against  the sand, brushing up the dark waves, curling on to the shore. I wrap my thin, cashmere scarf around my face, hoping to shield myself from the harsh breeze. The beach below looks erie and quiet which is usual in Malibu, the weather is warm and sunny, even in winter, a cold day like this is rare and unsettling.

 The grass crunches underneath my feet as I walk along the grassy field and slowly unfold the crumpled piece of paper that is laying in the palm of my hand: “I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DAD.” The handwriting looks rushed and is scribbled across the paper, and the signature at the bottom is so messy, I can’t even read it.

  I guess I should be more scared, but when I found this note on my doorstep this morning, I couldn’t help hoping that he is still alive. Even five years after his disappearance I still can hear his voice following me everywhere I go, and see his face in the back of my mind. Everyone else thinks he’s dead, but part of me doesn’t want to believe that.

 There’s something like coming back to a place like this with all these memories, it’s like it was yesterday.. 

My 10th birthday: I still remember that I was awoken by the bright morning sunshine, peeking through my blinds. The sunny Malibu sky was a clear shade of blue, no clouds in sight. I still remember running down stairs to talk to my dad, and like he always was, he would be at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper,  sipping his coffee.

   “Carrie, Happy Birthday! -” His face lit up as soon as he saw me, as he smiled wide.  Nothing else mattered when I was that age, just me and my dad it was so simple.

“I have a special gift that I want to give you today, after all, turning 10 is a big deal.” 

  I grinned, jumping up and down with excitement, “What is it, what is it!?”

 I still remember my dad telling me to be patient as he grabbed the keys, and then we were off. 

      In the car, we were blasting music, and I could feel the warm heat of the sun against my skin. We drove for a while on the highway and then pulled over onto a dirt road, in the middle of a field. 

      “We're almost here!” Dad exclaimed, gesturing to the open expanse of grass, leading on for what seemed like miles.”Let's be quick, because the sun is about to set, we don’t wanna miss it!” 

    Quickly we took off into the field, my dad led me through the brush and we walked for what seemed like ages.

 “Dad, are we there yet?” I whined. My legs hurt, and I didn’t feel like walking anymore.

       Just then we came to the end of the clearing, and as I looked ahead, I caught a glimpse of bright, gleaming lights. 

“Here we are! Carrie, look at that.” He said in awe, pointing ahead of us to the massive landscape. 

From here, we could see all of Malibu. The wide expanse of rolling hills, covered in blankets of lights, simmering in the setting sun. The sky stretched on forever, a beautiful shade of orange that made it look as if the world was on fire. Below us, the hill dropped off onto a cliff to reveal a private beach. 

The view was incredible. 

I smiled at my dad and said, “Wow, this is beautiful.” 

“You know kid, it's the best view in all of Malibu.” He remarked, staring out into the open sky. “I used to come out here a lot. Before you were born, of course. To help me think. I thought maybe I would show you this place, it's very special you know.” He said, looking at me seriously. “Only you and I know about it, it’s our little secret.” 

I smiled, liking the idea of this special place, only me and my dad knew. “Okay, I promise I'll never tell anyone.”

As the sun set, me and dad walked down the hill  to the beach, carefully crawling down the rocks and reaching the sand. I still remember then we walked along the shore for a while, listening to the waves crashing in, and out.

 By the time we were walking back to the car, it was completely dark outside, and there was nothing but the stars to guide us back. 

“Did you have a good birthday?” I remember my dad asking as we drove home.

 I opened my sleepy eyes, and responded with a bright smile. “Yes! It was the best birthday ever, Dad.” Nothing else mattered, just me and my dad. 

Quickly, I shake myself out of my spiraling thoughts, and focus back to the present. I'm still looking out at the Malibu skyline like me and my dad were all those years ago. He disappeared five years after my 10th birthday with no goodbye…

And now, I've started to think that there is no hope he will come back. When I miss him the most I come here, like today when I found the note at my front door. Realizing, I glimpse down as the note clutched in my hand and slowly read over the signature again, with still no luck figuring out what it says. The pen ink is too smudged over the paper. 

Just as I was about to give up and walk back to my car, I hear a strange noise. It sounds like truck tires. That's strange though because no one knows about this place except…

“Dad?” I whisper to myself, as I look over to the  pickup truck that has just parked next to mine in the open field. 

Cautiously, I get up from the lookout spot near the ledge and walk towards the car. The windows are tinted a deep shade of black, but I see a shadowy figure moving in the driver's seat;opening the car door…

So many thoughts are running through my mind at the moment, What if it's him? The car door opens. 

I jump and take a step back, scared of what I might see.

A dark, hooded figure steps out of the car. Their  face is  shadowed, and I squint to try and make out their features.

 “Hello?” I call out into the field. “Dad- is that you?” I say again, yelling to make sure they heard me. 

I take a few more steps back, my feet are at the edge of the drop off. 

The figure takes their hood off. 

It all happens so fast, I trip. I fall. I hit my head on a rock, and go tumbling down to the ground. The world spins, my vision blurs and my ears start ringing, the sound vibrating all around. Then I lay there for a second on the beach, closing my eyes and listening to the waves crash. 

       I feel calm, at peace. 

      At least I smile knowing that I wasn’t crazy, and that I did get to see him. Even if it was the last time.