One Act Play

Twin Perspective | Liam Zalubas | Photography

First Place

IRL by August Van Der Werf and Patrick Mazella

CHARACTERS:

SAM - 17; charming, but impulsive and worrisome. He has a crush on Eva, but doesn’t know if she reciprocates.

EVA - 17; smart, sophisticated, talented. She has a crush on Sam, but doesn’t know if he reciprocates.

FRED - 16; Sam’s best friend; supportive, but a bit dim.

PEGGY - 17; Eva’s best friend; assertive, alpha female

The stage is split in two halves, with a barrier CS: Sam’s bedroom SL, Eva’s bedroom SR. Sam and Eva sit on their beds, facing DS. Both are on their phones. Fred sits next to Sam, peering down at the phone, while Peggy is standing by Eva’s bed. She isn’t interested in Eva’s phone. In fact, she almost looks bored.

SAM & EVA (simultaneously): Heyyy

Beat. 

FRED & PEGGY(simultaneously): no that’s too obvious. You can’t do more than one y. 

Beat.

SAM (at the same time as Eva): Oh no, she’s typing

EVA (at the same time as Sam): Oh no, he’s typing

SAM: Alright, I’ll let her go first.

EVA: He stopped typing. What… what does that mean?

PEGGY: Probably means he’s not interested.

EVA: No… that can’t be it… are you sure? 

SAM: Wow she’s taking a while to type, jeez.

FRED: Maybe it’s one of those things where she started typing, and then she stopped to do something else, but like, the bubble is still there because she never erased what she was typing.

SAM: Maybe...  or she’s just taking a while to type it. 

EVA: Alright, I’m gonna send it. 

FRED: I don’t think so dude. I’ve been in a lot of these sorts of situations, 99 times out of 100 that’s what’s happening. 

PEGGY: Trust me, that’s NOT what you want to send.

SAM: Oh you’ve been in a lot of these situations? Name one. 

FRED: Oh you know, there’ve been lots of them like...

EVA: Are you sure? It doesn’t seem all that bad.

FRED: -Um... that girl sophomore year who played field hockey.

PEGGY: Alright, whatever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

SAM: The entire field hockey team hates you.

EVA: I don’t think it matters, I’m just gonna send it.

Lights down on Eva and Peggy.

FRED: Yeah that’s why they think I’m some sort of “toxic male” or whatever that means

SAM: Yeah ok… oh no, she sent something back. (He gasps.) Dude, she’s asking if I wanna go to the game with her on Friday!

FRED: Nah don’t go, we’re gonna lose anyway. 

SAM: She’s inviting me, dude.

FRED: Pfft. It’s not worth the $3. You guys see each other at school everyday already

SAM: You’re missing the point. Eva, the girl I like is asking me to go to an event, alone, with her.

FRED: Yeah, and I’m saying it’s a stupid idea, because we suck.

Lights down on Sam and Fred.

PEGGY: Look, he hasn’t even responded yet, he probably doesn’t even --

EVA: He responded! Says he was thinking about it.

PEGGY: I think that’s a very polite “no.”

EVA (ignoring her): What should I say?

PEGGY: Did you hear anything I just said?

EVA: No, 

PEGGY: You never listen to me. 

EVA: That’s too direct. 

PEGGY: All I want to do is help you.

EVA: ...Hmm, that might be treading dangerous water…

PEGGY: Penis

EVA: Um.. This might be a bit better.

PEGGY: Penis.

EVA (absentmindedly): What do you think I should say?

PEGGY: Penis. 

EVA: I don’t know that seems a bit odd.. wait, what?

PEGGY: Oh so you can hear me

EVA: ...What were you saying?

PEGGY: Good God you are so annoying.

Lights down on Peggy & Eva, lights up on Fred & Sam

FRED: Why were we just sitting in the dark in silence?

SAM: I don’t know.. That was strange…

They look at each other, then at the fourth wall for a beat. 

SAM:  Oh wait, she responded. She said she’s been looking for some people to go with.... They’re no fun without friends?FRED: Oh yikes dude… she just friend-zoned you.

SAM: Maybe the field hockey team was right. You really do not understand women, do you?

FRED: Maybe. I’ve got a date I have to get to. Maybe I should cancel.

SAM: Wait, really?

FRED: Yeah, I mean I think you’re right, I probably don’t really --

SAM: Oh my GOD. You’re being serious. Dude, this is huge! How did I not know about this??FRED (shrugging): You never asked.

SAM: Ok, I’ll catch up with you later. Good luck man.

FRED: See you later bro.

FRED exits SL.

SAM (to himself): Arghh, I don’t know what to say. Like, obviously I should go but how do I play it off like I don’t want three kids with her, an apartment in…

EVA (as lights turn on): San Francisco, a dog named Spot, or something stupid like that. I want a completely...

SAM: Totally…

EVA: Normal...

BOTH: Happy life together.

Lights down on bedrooms as Sam and Eva exit to their respective sides of the stage, and the barrier disappears. More colorful lights turn on DS. Fred enters DSL in abnormally normal clothes, no polyester on him at all. The tie is on wrong, but that’s expected.

FRED (deeper voice): The year is 2040, San Francisco rent is the highest it’s ever been, Sam and Eva live paycheck to paycheck, probably because they wouldn’t listen when I told them one kid would be better. “Oh, Fred, as a parent you just know that’s it important, I’ve always wanted three kids.” Well guess what SAM? I TOLD you that one kid was enough and for a short while you AGREED with me. But nooo that wasn’t enough for you, or Eva, or your dog Spot, but GUESS WHAT?

Sam and Eva enter from their sides of the stage, meeting in the middle, engaging in a waltz, wearing much more mature clothing.

They begin cutting in front of FredFRED: Hey woah what the heck? You guys, I’m giving a dramatic speech here. Can you please…

Loud, dramatic music begins to blast.

FRED (inaudible): Forget it, I need a beer.

Fred storms off to the same entrance he came from.

Sam and Eva slowly stop dancing, staring into each other’s eyes, you know, the way couples do.

SAM: I love you.

EVA: ... and I love you.

SAM: I don’t know where I’d ever be without you. 

EVA: Don’t worry about that. All that matters is that I’m here. With you.

SAM: Oh, man. It’s already 10, I gotta make the kid’s lunches and press my suit for tomorrow.

EVA: Sweetheart, you’ve had such a long day. I don’t have anything to do for tomorrow, so go get a good night’s sleep. 

SAM: No, you have to work the early shift, let me do it, it’s really no problem. 

EVA: Ok I gue--

SAM: I have to go.

The music stops abruptly.

EVA: Wait, what?

Lights down on Eva, lights up on Peggy, in Eva’s room by the SR exit.

PEGGY: I said, I have to go.

Lights up on Eva. Sam has disappeared.

Lighting shifts back, setting is Eva’s room. Peggy is standing near the SR exit.

EVA (still in the dress, turning to face Peggy): Oh. Okay

PEGGY: I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?

EVA: I’ll walk you down.

Eva and Peggy leave SR

Lights up on Sam, back in normal clothes in his room SL. 

SAM: But I can’t come off too strong, otherwise things might be weird. Ugh, I wish Peggy was here, she always knows what to say. I should call her.

Lights up on Fred and Peggy CS where the barrier used to be. They are in a park, staring into each other’s eyes, you know, as couples do.

Peggy’s phone rings.

PEGGY (on the phone with Sam): What could you possibly want at this hour? I already sent you the math answers. 

SAM: No, it’s about Eva.

PEGGY (worried): Look, man. I’m just gonna tell it like it is. She doesn’t like you. I’m sorry.

FRED (surprised): Wait, but I thought you said she does--

Peggy frantically tries to shut him up

 FRED:- -like him…

SAM: Fred? Is that you?

FRED: Hey Sam!

SAM: What are you doing?

FRED: I told you already, I’m on a date.

SAM: Oh I thought you were kidding.

Fred turns to face Sam. There is no barrier between the park and the room, so this is a fourth wall break.

FRED: Why would I be kidding?

SAM (not seeing this, still through phone): Um. Never mind. So she likes me? Eva, I mean.

FRED: Yeah man she totally likes you.

Peggy facepalms, defeated.

SAM: Did you… know about this?

FRED: Yeah, kinda. I mean it was pretty obvious once I put all the pieces together.

SAM: Wait, what? Really? Why didn’t you tell me?

FRED (shrugging): You never asked.

Sam makes a confused “what were you thinking” kind of face.

FRED: Don’t give me that look.

SAM: Wha- how do you know what face I’m making.

FRED: Don’t worry about it. 

Lights down on Sam.

FRED: Oh he’s sitting in the dark again.

PEGGY: What?

FRED: What?

PEGGY: What did you say.

FRED: I didn’t say anything.

Peggy’s eyes narrow. She decides to drop it.

Lights up on Eva’s room.

Eva is on the phone, waiting for the person on the other line to answer to answer.PEGGY: You’re lucky you’re hot. 

FRED: Oh, I know

Peggy leans in for a kiss, but Fred’s phone rings. He turns his head to look at his phone, making Peggy kiss his cheek. She opens her eyes, disappointed.

PEGGY: Freddy, put the phone down. We already told Sam what was happening. This was supposed to be our night.

FRED: It’s Eva this time. 

PEGGY (surprised): ...really?

Fred nods, picks up the phone, puts it on speaker.

EVA: Oh. My. God. I can’t take it anymore. You need to hurry up and get him to start liking me, I swear to god. I gave you one job. 

FRED: Oh. He already likes you, did I not mention that?

PEGGY: Hey wait, woah, you said you were gonna help me make sure they wouldn’t get together!

EVA: Wait a minute, Peggy? Why are you with Fred?

PEGGY: I told you I had a date with him.

EVA: What? No you didn’t!PEGGY (almost yelling through the phone): I literally did, like five different times today! You just weren’t listening!

EVA: You just said “penis” the whole time!

Beat.

EVA: Hello??PEGGY: You really are oblivious, aren’t you?

EVA: I don’t know what you’re talking about, I- 

PEGGY: Of course you don’t! You never have any clue what I’m talking about! I’ve barely been able to have a full conversation with you for a month, Because you’re too busy talking about Sam to even give a damn about anything else!

EVA: That’s not true… 

PEGGY: You’re just proving my point over and over again! You know what? Go chase after Sam if you want. Clearly I’m not important enough for you to listen to me.

EVA: But… 

PEGGY: But what!? But what, Eva. What could you possibly have to say now? 

Beat. 

PEGGY: Go on. Say it. 

EVA: I…

PEGGY: Spit it out.

Beat. Eva starts panicking as she realizes Peggy is right.

PEGGY: That’s what I thought.

Peggy hangs up. Fred puts his arms around her, she begins to cry into his shoulder, lights down on the park.

Eva sits in silence for a bit, stunned.

Lights up on Sam’s bedroom, he sits excitedly, typing out something to say to Eva.

Eva’s phone buzzes. If she heard, she doesn’t show it.

Sam waits in silence, his grin slowly fading. Together, they sigh.

Sam holds the phone up to his ear, calling someone. Eva does the same.

SAM: Hey--

EVA: Hey, listen, I… I don’t really know what to say.

SAM: You don’t have to say anything; Fred told me.

EVA: Fred was being stupid, he was helping me out and just--

SAM: I’d love to go to the football game with you. Just us.

EVA: I thought it would all work out in the end. I don’t think I realized what I was doing to you.

SAM: I really like you

EVA: We’ve been friends for so long and I-

SAM: Like, a lot.

EVA: I can’t imagine my life without you.

SAM: So just… just call me back when you get the chance.

EVA: No one can replace you, Peggy.

Lights down on Sam.

EVA: I can’t tell you how sorry I am.

Lights down on Eva.

Lights up CS: Sam on Fred’s shoulders, trying to put a Homecoming banner up over a door. 

Peggy enters SR, Fred turns to her, shifting Sam away from the banner.

He rips it as he falls off of Fred’s shoulders.

Eva enters on the opposite side of the stage.

Sam gets up and brushes himself off. He hasn’t noticed Eva yet.

SAM (to Fred): What if I just died? You literally wouldn’t have noticed.

FRED: Wait what? What happened?

SAM: Just forget about it. 

Fred pulls out his phone to check the time.

FRED: Oh shoot, I’m gonna be late if I don’t go now, you guys are coming to the game right?

SAM (now noticing Eva): Oh… um… yeah. Yeah, we’re coming. 

EVA: For sure, we wouldn’t miss it.

Peggy sees what’s going on. She’s poker faced for a bit, but then she smiles.

PEGGY (to Fred): C’mon, I’ll walk you over.

They exit SL.

Sam turns to Eva; they stand there awkwardly.

EVA: Hey.

SAM: Hey.

Eva breaks into a smile, then a giggle, then she breaks down laughing. Sam can’t help but join in. Slowly, their laughter fades, ending in a mutual smile. Followed by a somehow more awkward silence.

EVA:  So I was… Sam? Are you listening?

Beat.

EVA: …Sam? 

Beat. 

Sam realizes Eva’s been speaking to him.

SAM: I’m sorry, you were saying something weren’t you?

EVA: Well, yeah, I was just going to say that we should get something to eat before the game. 

SAM: Oh. Ok.

EVA: What?

SAM: Nothing.

EVA: What did you think I was gonna say?

SAM: Nothing… or… I don’t know. Just… something. 

EVA (smiling awkwardly): Well, now I’ve said *something.*

SAM (laughing awkwardly): Yeah… you know, just, never mind. Don’t worry about it. 

EVA: Oh. You sure?

Sam takes a long breath. Then smiles.

SAM: Yeah. I’m sure.

Lights go down.